What Makes a Man Fall In Love? What Made You Fall in Love?

Deborah and I sat there on the beach, hands in the sand and longing glances over the crystal blue water toward the setting sun. Everything was perfectly still and perfectly silent, except for the soft Caribbean waves hitting the shore. Nicholas Sparks himself couldn’t have written a better moment into his best romance novel.

You’d be forgiven for thinking this setting (the no-cares, beautiful sunsets & beaches, nothing-but-fun lifestyle) is what made me fall in love with her. Even Sparks would be forgiven for thinking Deborah was my soulmate, destined from birth to meet me in Mexico.

Call me a non-romantic, but I don’t believe in soulmates for a second. In fact, I think the idea of a soulmate, or that “there’s only one person out there for you,” is at the root of many of society’s problems. We constantly fear that we might “miss” our person if we wait too long. I mean Sheiße, if I had been too concerned with who my “soulmate” was, I may have even missed the woman who is now my life partner.

That’s because soulmates are made, not born. When you fixate on the idea that your someone, somewhere, is born just to someday meet you (forget the selfishness of that assumption for a second), you’re expecting there to be a person who “completes you” to quote Jerry MaGuire. The underlying message is that you are incomplete. But that fact is that you’re not. Or, at least you shouldn’t be when you meet your future spouse.

What Makes a Man Fall In Love

What made you fall in Love?

What really made me fall in Love with Deborah on that beach in the Yucatan is the conversation we had. Here are a few of the highlights:

“…that’s when I found my faith in God…”

“…I love spending time with my brother and sister…”

“…my mom and I talk about everything…”

This conversation got emotional, touched on some very personal parts of our stories, and allowed us to be receptive, each to the emotions of the other. It bonded the two of us together in a way that we don’t bond with most people.

What makes a man fall in Love?

What makes a man fall in love, or anyone else for that matter, is strong connection and emotional availability (this link is a good resource along the same lines).

I learned more about Deborah on that day, than I had discovered in all 14 days we had previously known each other combined. However, the most important thing I realized was that she aligned with the vision I had for the life I wanted to live, and I was pretty sure that I aligned with hers too. Over the course of those two weeks, I discovered she had the same faith, that family was the most important thing in her life, that she was ambitious, but perhaps most importantly, that she was humble and curious. Those are the two most irresistible traits a woman can have.

But this is only the second and easier half of the battle. The most important part of finding your person and creating your life partner, is getting yourself ready for it. When you’re ready and willing, everything else will fall into place.

When is Someone Ready to Fall In Love

The journey of building Deborah into my soulmate began long before we ever met.

Once upon a time, I was frantically trying to find my princess locked up in a tower in the forest (damsel in distress if you prefer). I never found her, and to be honest, over time, I felt unloved and unlovable. Maybe it was always me who needed help. I grew more and more depressed, got tired of looking, so…eventually, I just quit.

Once I had let go of the need to find my soulmate, along with the fear that I could miss her at any moment, I was fully able to embrace and love myself. I got in the best shape I had ever been in. I reflected on my most fundamental beliefs. I tried new things, discovered new interests. I traveled the world. I didn’t care that I hadn’t found my person, and was totally comfortable with the idea that I may never find her (although still ready at any time).

Only then, when I felt on top of the world, when I was the best me I could have been, did a woman who felt exactly the same way come waltzing into my life.

The takeaway is that the best and only thing you can do to get ready to fall in love (the everlasting kind of love, not the fickle dingy bar kind), is to work on yourself. Be the best you that you can be. When you’re ready, a person at the same level will walk into your life. From there, it’s up to you to build a life partnership.

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